Raise your hand if you have heard this phrase before!
And chances are, as a woman, you have probably heard this from another woman. Which at the time you may say to them, “Yeah, it is just so much easier!” However later the thought will come across your mind of,
Does she not want to be friends with me then?
Today I want to discuss the value of friendship. More specifically, the value of another female companion to take over the world with.
Yes, friendship with men is great. Friendship with any person is great. But lately there has been a trend of hating on your fellow women companions. Yes, companions- not your competitor.
After moving away from Orlando in August of 2014, it was just a few months later that I started feeling lonely despite being surrounded by my boyfriend’s presence. I realized just how bad I missed the ladies in my life. I also realized how much I really valued their friendship, and I began to feel sad and guilty for not putting more of my heart and soul into the friendship with these amazing girls.
Making new friends and looking back on old ones, I started seeing how cruel we can be to the friends in our life. We tend to think of other woman as competition instead of allies.
Woman are great and can be such a valuable asset in your life. You can complain to your boyfriend or male friends about your period, but no one else but a woman will be able to understand a cramp so painful that you end up curled up in a ball in the middle of a grocery store aisle, or that weird position you lay in on the floor just to be comfortable during that time of the month.
I once talked to a woman and as we were getting to know each other, she says to me,
“I hate girls. I can only be friends with men.”
So that friendship lasted about two weeks.
It’s so curious that we are constantly putting down other woman, but especially that we are putting down our own friends. We make fun of what our friends wear, how their makeup looks, the job they have in order to make ourselves feel better and more confident about the choices we ourselves have made. How weird is that?
I went to visit Orlando in March of this year, and spent essentially most of my time with my old girlfriends from there. One of them even took off work to make sure we’d get to hang out. And it was one of the best weekends I’ve had in awhile- and one of the most eye opening. They were all so encouraging and inspiring to be around. I felt like I could be me without any judgment.
That’s when I realized how bad it could be having people around who are constantly putting me and others down for no other reason but their own self-assurance. I’ve had friends make fun of me for wearing makeup, not wearing makeup, being too casual or not formal enough- c’mon, have you ever heard, “Why do you look so nice?” Excuse me?! Why not?! I’ve even had friends comment on my weight randomly (“Why are you drinking/eating that?”).
Instead we could be celebrating each other! Just because your friend shows up to hang out looking good is no reason to put her down. Tell her how hot she looks and enjoy your day! Flaunt the confidence of your friendship all over the world and take no shit. If your friend is on a diet, ask her how you can help, or be there during her cheat day to tell her it’s okay to eat the entire tub of ice cream if she wants to.
Your good lady friends are essential. Be one of those friends who inspires others to love and support each other the way you should! And when people are asshats to you- just ignore it. You are meant for a beautiful friendship that doesn’t involve pulling each other down. Lift each other up instead and have the kind of relationship that inspires others to do the same.
So I challenge you to do something different. Be there for your friends. Don’t hate on someone because they are the same gender as you. Love them for who they are, and look forward to those nights on the couch with them drinking wine and watching The Holiday.
3 thoughts on ““I’m only friends with guys.” – The Value of Female Friendship”
What a wonderful read! I must admit that I am guilty of having more guy friends than girlfriends, however the female friends I do have I cherish dearly. I’m so blessed to have you as one of my few close friends and I admire you so much. You are beautiful inside and out and you are the kind of female friend everyone should have. You radiate positivity and strength and I try to do the same. Lord knows I love my boys, but here’s to all the wonderful women out there! 💪🏼😊💜
Totally okay having the men around! Haha don’t be guilty! I think the issue is that it’s hard to find a girl who is supportive and not destructive, which is why it’s so great to have ones that are rockstars- like you! 🙂 I think if every girl was like you, we’d have female friendships EVERYWHERE! Haha. But really- never something to feel guilty about. I think sometimes we expect women to be awful but they aren’t, so we should give those friendships a chance! 😀 I miss you so much! You actually helped inspire this post.
It’s so true. I think society has conditioned is as women to compete against one another and I think that we (or at least I have sometimes) live in fear of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough etc. as our fellow ladies so we instead push them away and declare them our enemies. Thank you for seeing the good heart in me and I always try to spread my aloha spirit as we say in Hawaii and everyone should always be kind haha! Again I’m just so thankful to have a friend like you and I cherish it so much!